Men avoid feminine
church experiences

United Methodist News Service
Author David Murrow says a typical guy feels as comfortable in church as Tom Sawyer in Aunt Polly’s parlor.
“He must watch his language, mind his manners and be extra polite,” Murrow writes in his popular 2005 book Why Men Hate Going to Church. That’s because the altar flowers and felt banners, mostly female Sunday school teachers and blue-haired ladies playing the organ make church feel like a “woman’s thing.”
And unless a man enjoys serving on a committee or passing out bulletins, he may feel there’s not much for him to do, so he steers clear.
Today’s contemporary worship services aren’t much better: Their soft praise songs and emphasis on relational needs are better suited to women than men, said Murrow, a member at a nondenominational church in Anchorage, Alaska.
“If church was a place where men could be real and not religious, you’d see a lot more of them,” he said.
United Methodists may not see completely eye-to-eye with Murrow, but statistics on American church life seem to bear him out.
More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christian, reports the Barna Research Group, a research firm based in Ventura, Calif. But only two out of six attend church on a given Sunday. Nearly a quarter of married women attend church alone while their husbands sleep in, mow the lawn or play golf.
It’s not that men are less religious than women, Murrow said. Other religions have little trouble drawing males. His theory is that Judaism, Buddhism and Islam offer more “uniquely masculine” experiences for men.
“Every Muslim man knows that he is locked in a great battle between good and evil,” Murrow recently told Religion News Service. But most Christians today see their faith more in terms of “having an unconditional love relationship” with Jesus.
Mainline denominations like The United Methodist Church, Murrow said, have a smaller percentage of men in worship than other faith groups. Mainline groups also have the greatest percentage of membership losses and church closings.
“A lack of male participation is one of the surest predictors of church decline,” he writes. “If you want a healthy church for the long term, attract men. This was Jesus’ strategy. It still works today.”
Murrow knows how to roil ecclesiastical waters, yet some United Methodists who are concerned with declining membership concede that he makes a few good points.
Larry Malone, director of United Methodist Men’s Ministries, thinks church today is “feminized to a degree” because a disproportionate number of women are present as the power players and because there’s been a “distinct absence of the right kind of male leadership.”
In his work with United Methodist Men, Malone sometimes uses books such as Why Men Hate Going to Church to start discussions on how to reach men more effectively.
“One of the provocative statements in the book that affects our church is that ‘men follow men,’” he said. “Could that be considered true? If our biggest purpose is reaching all of God’s creatures for Christ, what could a female pastor do with the fact that some men are more likely to respond to male leadership?
“The question you have to get past is ‘Should it be this way?’ Of course it shouldn’t be. Then you move on to the reality that this is how it is with some people.”
United Methodist Men wants to help men find a place in church, and more importantly, develop a sense of eternal significance, through a new partnership called Wesleyan Building Brothers. That’s a one-year, small-group curriculum that will help move men toward what Malone calls “a full pursuit of God, who is adventuresome, powerful, loving—a Christ who is simply to be worshiped and fallen down before.”
Men will first work on maturing their own faith and growing toward Christ. But it doesn’t stop there. They will go on to become “spiritual fathers” by helping reproduce the Christian faith in someone else and ultimately help that person reproduce the faith in others, Malone said.